I am a pastor with a history. I am a recovering pornography addict. My story begins in the second grade, when I was first exposed to sexual images in the form of a Playboy magazine. That event introduced me into a habit that nearly destroyed my life, my marriage, and my ministry.
That fateful day was just the first step into my addiction. By the time I was a teenager I was caught up in all kinds of sinful activities. As I grew older my desire for porn grew and drew me deeper into selfishness and carelessness. I knew I was headed down a road of destruction, but even that was not enough to make me stop; I had a real problem.
At the age of sixteen I gave my life to Christ. Yet, I was still consumed by my addiction. But I was now torn inside; battling over my new found faith and my old habit. For years the war raged within me and threatened to destroy me all together.
Soon, after I received Christ, I began to feel called in the direction of ministry. I some how knew that one day I would be a preacher. Yet how could I? I knew who I was and what I was doing. I knew I was far from walking in purity and righteousness. So I ran from God because I never thought I could walk away from porn. I believed it would hold me captive for the rest of my life.
Fifteen years later, after many trials and heartaches, I began to feel the draw towards ministry once again. I had not given up my habit, even though I knew it was coming between my wife and me, and that I was living in sin, but something was happening; God was drawing me closer and opening my eyes.
My family and I had begun to regularly attend a small church. Almost every week I left the service more convicted and at the same time drawn towards ministry. I knew something had to change, and one day it did, as I sat behind the computer.
God got my attention and made it very clear to me how He felt about pornography. As I was looking at the images an odor filled the room. It was terrible and I could not remember ever having smelled it before. Suddenly, God spoke to my heart and told me that pornography was a stench in His nose and shameful in His sight. At that moment, I knew I had to make a choice. I knew I could no longer live this way and hope to follow the calling He had placed on my life.
That was the last time I looked at internet pornography. Over the following months God began to reveal through His word and through our pastor amazing truths. One has changed my life and helped me to overcome my habitual sin.
Second Timothy 2:20-22 taught me that if I wanted to serve God and to produce good works in His name, then I was going to have to walk in purity. God made it clear to me through this passage that I could not serve Him fully if I continued to walk in immorality.
I sincerely wanted to be useful in the Master’s hands. I truly wanted to be a blessing to others and to share the gospel effectively. Now, I could clearly see that my sinful habit was preventing me from doing just that. It was obvious to me that if I hoped to be a “vessel of honor” then I was going to have to repent and walk in purity.
Shortly there after, I surrendered my life to serve in the ministry. That was over seven years ago. Since then I have served three churches in various roles and have seen God do amazing things. Now, He has called me to share my story so that others can find freedom and hope. I have written a book about my life and the amazing transformation that has occurred- thanks to the grace of God. The book, My Struggle, Your Struggle, openly and honestly chronicles my battle with pornography but also details the steps that God used to carry me through to victory. Finally, the book shares Biblical insights that can help others find freedom from their own addictions.
Since I have written this book, I have had many amazing conversations with folks in and out of the church. Sharing my story has opened up an avenue of ministry that I never dreamed was possible. God has redeemed my past and is now using it to help others break away from sin and to receive forgiveness in Christ Jesus.
Our Lord has called us to holy living. He has called us to walk in purity and integrity. But He has also promised us the grace we need, so we can obey and follow Him. It is time for pastors, youth pastors, and other Christian leaders to commit to purity. Sin hinders our usefulness and effectiveness in ministry. Revival will begin when WE set the example and live in righteousness. I pray this will become our standard.
By David Erik Jones – this book is available online: ISBN 978-1-60477-298-2
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